Pants 0. Shit 1.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
