I just cut my nipple shaving
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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