I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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