Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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