the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
