omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
