It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
