sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
