Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
