So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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