Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
