he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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