...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
