Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
