you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
