if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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