Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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