I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
