Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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