life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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