i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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