you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
