therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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