literally had 100 drinks last night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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