You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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