remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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