I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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