I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.