Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will be naked everywhere
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.