So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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