I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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