I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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