He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
