haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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