My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's the barista slut.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
