I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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