I want to have your abortion
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
