Texts From Last Night

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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again

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  (906): I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again http://tfl.nu/daze
  Replies (83) Good night (780) Bad night (3351)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.

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  (804): god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away. http://tfl.nu/mycs
  Replies (12) Good night (1305) Bad night (4261)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

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  (701): The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out. (406): And we all know God doesn't like sinners. (701): Amen. http://tfl.nu/nq0i
  Replies (14) Good night (6742) Bad night (911)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?

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  (614): How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville? http://tfl.nu/xd34
  Replies (9) Good night (2392) Bad night (860)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.

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  (734): I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now. http://tfl.nu/ty03
  Replies (5) Good night (3592) Bad night (880)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog

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  (918): I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog http://tfl.nu/wm03
  Replies (5) Good night (1437) Bad night (2454)
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  (516): View more from New York

  History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.

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  (516): History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad. http://tfl.nu/o7dx
  Replies (4) Good night (1641) Bad night (549)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  "So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins

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  (304): "So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins http://tfl.nu/eetx
  Replies (1) Good night (1381) Bad night (511)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me

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  (614): Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me http://tfl.nu/x6xk
  Replies (5) Good night (1122) Bad night (436)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...

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  (203): Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding... http://tfl.nu/mtt2
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (367)
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  (925): View more from California

  Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.

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  (925): Bored at work. googling vodka waffles. http://tfl.nu/6y0b
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (433)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.

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  (210): I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving. http://tfl.nu/75v3
  Replies (6) Good night (863) Bad night (367)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Props for using the word nadir

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  (615): Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness. (803): Props for using the word nadir http://tfl.nu/i00l
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (955)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes

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  (540): I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes http://tfl.nu/fbfz
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (221)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.

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  (630): If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you. http://tfl.nu/6kg1
  Replies (0) Good night (242) Bad night (272)

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