i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.