i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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