doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.