Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

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29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon

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(850): View more from Florida

He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.

(908): View more from New Jersey

Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant

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(407): View more from Florida

Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?

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