I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.