I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?