A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
