Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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