I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
