Sry I called you an 8
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
