i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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