i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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