If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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