I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
please don't ironically join a cult
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