Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
