Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
