so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
