i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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