The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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