i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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