Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
