her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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