So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
