I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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