sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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