Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
