hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
