I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
