Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
