then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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