I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
