My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i barfeds in our rink
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
