sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
