she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
