I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
