Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
