Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
