She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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