Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
