I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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