Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
