Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sarcasm needs its own font
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
