i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
