Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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